so i can’t sleep.

what else is new… i am really enjoying my new job. its easy money, the kids are well mannered and its been going very well. i think last week the first day i got to spend some time with them they were trying to test me and see what they could get away with but now they are still transitioning and figuring out how they like me. they said i am really nice and not as strict as their old nanny, i responded with how i can be strict if you make me but i’d rather you make the right decision on you’re own. it’s a good job i can defiantly see myself staying with this family for a while saving up some money for school or just to put in savings if things don’t work out that way. its a lot of driving which i don’t mind as they are paying for my gas but the accident that happened is making me a bit worried and i know i should relax because i am a very safe driver but its been a little intimidating remembering that i am responsible for there well being and anything can happen, but alas, we always wear our seat belts and are conscious of the people around us and just keep at it. life goes on.
i can’t help thinking about this homeless family i gave money to earlier. they had their children with them and they had a sign saying how they needed food or a job and help because they didn’t have anything and needed to feed there kids and honestly i don’t know there situation, who am i to judge, i asked how they were doing and if they belonged to a church or had found assistance with one and said that no one had been able to help them. i couldn’t really talk because i had the kids with me but i gave them the few dollars that i had on me and i really hope it goes to good use. as a society we are naturaly selfish and in it for ourselves but we have to look out for one another and take care of our people, who knows what life brings and if it were me and the last resort was to beg for help i’d hope the world would treat me kindly. I have always had things good, i can honestly say i’ve had it better than good, I’ve been blessed. I have always had a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over my head and the luxuries of nice things, in no way would i consider myself rich, my parents are hard working people and we’ve had the amazing privilege to find ourselves surrounded with stable jobs and good people but they worked hard for it and i really appreciate them for it. This is just a little reminder that when you think about things you have it good compared to many other people and to count your blessing.

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I could never cheat on anyone. It’s the type of mistake and wrong doing I couldn’t live with. Knowing that you destroyed someone’s trust is bad, but destroying someone’s perspective on love is far too worse.
― Amino Auditore (via alecwiens)

(Source: aminoauditore)

10,822 notes
this is my blog i write what i want

even if no one reads it or cares its still out there. this weekend has been real. my little cousin is battling depression and has been cutting. I don’t know if im the best person to help her but I’m trying. i still struggle in finding the good at times but im not in that hole i dug myself into anymore. I’ve grown up a lot since then but im just trying to give her the best advice i can. I hope it comes through as helpful. She is such a talented kid into cool music and not afraid to be herself and be outgoing this world is hard and sometimes its just not easy to see the good.
i got out of cutting, i didn’t get too bad and honestly no one knew i was even doing it in the first place, but my whole family knows her business and all they do is judge but not try to help. i don’t want to be like the rest of them.
last night i got into an accident. my sister was driving and this girl just rammed into us. it was awful, thankfully no one was seriously injured. We had all the kids in the car and everyone had there seat belts on and they were so freaked out. my niece and nephew and nieces little friend were just crying like crazy my nephew thought he died . it was heartbreaking they wouldn’t stop crying. this was there first accident and it just shook everyone up. poor little thing, my niece had a panic attack and my sister is super achey today. honestly the only thing that was hurting was my hand yesterday cause i put it up when the airbag hit me but now my leg is starting to hurt which sucks.
i started my new job today. it was good the kids were sweet and its easy money. tomorrow is another day.

i saved this as a draft opps .

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When you are hurting, there will always be people who find a way to make it about themselves. If you break your wrist, they’ll complain about a sprained ankle. If you are sad, they’re sadder. If you’re asking for help, they’ll demand more attention.

Here is a fact: I was in a hospital and sobbing into my palms when a woman approached me and asked why I was making so much noise and I managed to stutter that my best friend shot himself in the head and now he was 100% certified dead and she made this little grunt and had the nerve to tell me, “Well now you made me sad.”

When you get angry, there are going to be people who ask you to shut up and sit down, and they’re not going to do it nicely. Theirs are the faces that turn bright red before you have a chance to finish your sentence. They won’t ask you to explain yourself. They’ll be mad that you’re mad and that will be their whole reason alone.

Here is a fact: I was in an alleyway a few weeks ago, stroking my friend’s back as she vomited fourteen tequila shots. “I hate men,” she wheezed as her sides heaved, “I hate all of them.”

I braided her hair so it wouldn’t get caught in the mess. I didn’t correct her and reply that she does in fact love her father and her little brother too, that there are strangers she has yet to meet that will be better for her than any of her shitty ex-boyfriends, that half of our group of friends identifies as male - I could hear each of her bruises in those words and I didn’t ask her to soften the blow when she was trying to buff them out of her skin. She doesn’t hate all men. She never did.

She had the misfortune to be overheard by a drunk guy in an ill-fitting suit, a boy trying to look like a man and leering down my dress as he stormed towards us. “Fuck you, lady,” he said, “Fuck you. Not all men are evil, you know.”

“Thanks,” I told him dryly, pulling on her hand, trying to get her inside again, “See you.”

He followed us. Wouldn’t stop shouting. How dare she get mad. How dare she was hurting. “It’s hard for me too!” he yowled after us. “With fuckers like you, how’s a guy supposed to live?”

Here’s a fact: my father is Cuban and my genes repeat his. Once one of my teachers looked at my heritage and said, “Your skin doesn’t look dirty enough to be a Mexican.”

When my cheeks grew pink and my tongue dried up, someone else in the classroom stood up. “You can’t say that,” he said, “That’s fucking racist. We could report you for that.”

Our teacher turned vicious. “You wanna fail this class? Go ahead. Report me. I was joking. It’s my word against yours. I hate kids like you. You think you’ve got all the power - you don’t. I do.”

Later that kid and I became close friends and we skipped class to do anything else and the two of us were lying on our backs staring up at the sky and as we talked about that moment, he sighed, “I hate white people.” His girlfriend is white and so is his mom. I reached out until my fingers were resting in the warmth of his palm.

He spoke up each time our teacher said something shitty. He failed the class. I stayed silent. I got the A but I wish that I didn’t.

Here is a fact: I think gender is a social construct and people that want to tell others what defines it just haven’t done their homework. I personally happen to have the luck of the draw and am the same gender as my sex, which basically just means society leaves me alone about this one particular thing.

Until I met Alex, who said he hated cis people. My throat closed up. I’m not good at confrontation. I avoided him because I didn’t want to bother him.

One day I was going on a walk and I found him behind our school, bleeding out of the side of his mouth. The only thing I really know is how to patch people up. He winced when the antibacterial cream went across his new wounds. “I hate cis people,” he said weakly.

I looked at him and pushed his hair back from his head. “I understand why you do.”

Here is a fact: anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is how people stop themselves from hurting. Anger is how people stop themselves by empathizing.

It is easy for the drunken man to be mad at my friend. If he says “Hey, fuck you, lady,” he doesn’t have to worry about what’s so wrong about men.

It’s easy for my teacher to fail the kids who speak up. If we’re just smart-ass students, it’s not his fault we fuck up.

It’s easy for me to hate Alex for labeling me as dangerous when I’ve never hurt someone a day in my life. But I’m safe in my skin and his life is at risk just by going to the bathroom. I understand why he says things like that. I finally do.

There’s a difference between the spread of hatred and the frustration of people who are hurting. The thing is, when you are broken, there will always be someone who says “I’m worse, stop talking.” There will always be people who are mad you’re trying to steal the attention. There will always be people who get mad at the same time as you do - they hate being challenged. It changes the rules.

I say I hate all Mondays but my sister was born on one and she’s the greatest joy I have ever known. I say I hate brown but it’s really just the word and how it turns your mouth down - the colour is my hair and my eyes and my favorite sweater. I say I hate pineapple but I still try it again every Easter, just to see if it stings less this year. It’s okay to be sad when you hear someone generalize a group you’re in. But instead of assuming they’re evil and filled with hatred, maybe ask them why they think that way - who knows, you might just end up with a new and kind friend.

By telling the oppressed that their anger is unjustified, you allow the oppression to continue. I know it’s hard to stay calm. I know it’s scary. But you’re coming from the safe place and they aren’t. Just please … Try to be more understanding. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
192,689 notes
hey tumblr

its been a good week so far.

sometimes it gets hard to see the good things in your life because you’ve been having a crummy day or for whatever reason but good things are out there even if you don’t see them at first.

i am in the process of geting a new job. and oh my you know how my mind works, overthinking, doubting myself, getting anxious over silly things that don’t mean anything and feeling like i have already failed before even starting or not even wanting to start at all. ridiculous things like that.
the thing that made my week was a reference that pretty much landed me this job from someone i respect and have so many things to be greatful for in this life saying that i am one of the sweetest, kindest most caring people she knows and how she feels im so trustworthy that she could trust me with her credit card or house or car which she has before and knows if will be okay and just how she left it which in all honesty made me all sentimental and teary eyed, after such a shitty time feeling so low and useless trying to find a job and feeling like i suck just made me feel the best i’ve felt in a long time and as im typing this is making me want to cry because thats the nicest thing i’ve heard about myself in a long time. i need to write her a thank you card and send her some flowers or just something really nice. but yeah this week will be my first day as nanny to a lovely family who will be paying me very well and my mileage too, i will be making what i made at ulta in 3 months at this job in 1 month which is sweet because its an afternoon job, thank the heavens for not having go wake up early in morning. im really excited about this. yay my life is turning around.

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do you ever get the urge to be close to someone

i just want to have someone hold my hand.

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  • Expectations: Using the person next to you as a pillow.
  • Reality: Using the pillow next to you as a person.
  • 314,087 notes
    There’s nothing wrong with sex, people.

    magnamanny:

    claireruns:

    thechroniclesofrin:

    - Having sex every day. 
    - Saving sex for your wedding night. 
    - Never having sex.
    - Having sex with different people.
    - Having sex with one person.
    - Having sex with a person of your same gender.
    - Loving sex. 
    - Hating sex. 
    - Being loud. 
    - Being quiet.

    The only thing wrong with sex?

    When it’s not consensual.

    Because that’s not sex. That’s rape.

    Reblogging again because this post is so important. 

    Sex without consent is rape. Simple as that.

    (Source: strengthissexy)

    557,091 notes
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