relationship goal: a relationship

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Take It Or Leave It | Cage the Elephant

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So im still awake.

Someone should message me or kik me: livingundercovers or snapchat me: paintitgolden or follow me on twitter photoxchristian , I really need to make all my social media links the same name..
im going to dye strands of my hair teal again, I want something fun, its going to be normal chocolatey red brown I always dye it but im going to have a little color here and there. Hopefully I don’t fuck it up.
I hope my boss doesn’t call me into work tomorrow, she already paid me for the week and she’s always so indecisive and tells me to be in last min, i think I’ll just tell her no cause its so awkward when she works from home and im just there. Not worth it to go for 3 hours, everyone (my family) tells me to quit, I know I should, but I haven’t. I want to but I would need to have a job already set up. Hmmm life, im good, im not sad, its just the struggle is real, I still have no idea what the fuck im doing, its okay but I wish I could make up my mind about something, anything.
Its been a good week though, I haven’t talked to the guy yet (former love of my life) he hasn’t followed me back on instagram, he posted a new picture yesterday, tagged some girl, maybe they are dating, I don’t care, I just wish he’d acknowledge my existence. I know I didn’t talk to him or anything yet but I thought maybe he would at least remember me and say hello, I don’t blame him, it was a long time ago.. im just happy he is well. I’ve been thinking a lot, always in my own head, I miss that feeling, to want someone, I want to feel that again. I was hung up on him for a long time, there was no closure, I didn’t know what happend to him, I didn’t know if it was real, I thought for the longest time that I was being played, I knew nothing, but I feel good to know he’s doing well, he’s a real person, he has friends, he seems good. So much different than what I remember but then again who hasn’t changed over the years. Im happy for him, I feel better.I’ve realized it isn’t him I miss, its the idea and the person I knew him to be. This person who I see now, he’s not the guy I knew, and im not the person he knew, we know nothing about each other. But I still care for him, I don’t know him now, but when I did i felt very attached and im relieved that this person i had love for at one time in my life is doing okay. That feels like closure enough.

To anyone that actually takes the time to read this, I appreciate it, my life is nothing special, im not anything fascinating, I just ramble on about things and its nice to feel connected. Thanks. Hope you have a good night, or day.

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